I am Gertrude McFuzz

Tomorrow, Seussical opens.

And tonight I realized how much of a Gertrude McFuzz I am.

I went through my college career much like Gertrude. I wanted someone to notice me. I didn't care who it was, I just wanted SOMEONE to notice me for my talents. For who I was. I didn't want to hear all the things that I wasn't, I wanted to know what I was.

And in all actuality, I'm not sure that I ever got any recognition for that. So much like Gertrude, I (figuritively) took pills to make myself like everyone else. And that didn't work. I just got more down on myself, until I realized that I needed to just be who God created me to be. That was all I could be. I can't be who my mom wants me to be or who my college theatre professor thinks I need to be. I'm just Lauren. I'm flawed and I'm okay with that.

And tonight, I was sitting at the end of a long Seussical rehearsal at the end of a long day getting notes, and I found myself overcome with emotion.

One of the ongoing themes of Gertrude's is that she wants someone to think she's amazing. And finally, at the end of the play Horton tells her "Gertrude, I never noticed it before, but... you're amazing!" And we were getting notes and had reached this portion of the play in the notes and our director, David, looks at me and says "Gertrude, you truly are amazing," sincerely. And all of a sudden I didn't know what to do. I stammered a thanks and pinched myself so I wouldn't cry in the middle of notes for Seussical the Musical. Thankfully I made it to my car and then cried all the way home.

Because someone finally thinks I'm amazing for who I really am. And that was amazing.