All You Need is Love? Part II

I have a dream of falling in love with a guy I don’t like.

Deanna and I were having a text message conversation a few days ago about Pride and Prejudice and she told me “I know it’s weird, but I have always thought it would be romantic to fall in love with someone you don’t like at first.” I was thrilled! I didn’t find it weird at all.

Because that’s been my dream too! It’s the Harry and Sally, Ron and Hermione, Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy Dream. You don’t like the guy at first, in fact you hate his guts, but then you become good friends and slowly but surely realize that you not only love him as a friend, you are IN love with him.

I’m not sure what the appeal is. Does it happen in real life?

I actually dated a guy right before college that I had pretty much loathed all through high school. We dated for a few weeks, he was a jerk, and I ended up loathing him just as much as I had before we dated.

And I’ve never told anyone this, but one of the reasons I dated him at all was because of this dream of mine! I thought that maybe all of the loathing I held for him was actually unresolved romantic tension… it clearly wasn’t.

Why is this one of my dreams at all? I think it is because the movies dramatize it. I mean how can anyone resist Sally saying “I hate you Harry, I really hate you!” and then they sink into a fabulous kiss. Or the moment in Pride and Prejudice where Mr. Darcy declares “I love you. Most ardently,” to an unaware Elizabeth Bennet.

Who wouldn’t want that?

And there is where I see the problem. Because I don’t think things like that happen. Maybe I’m just cynical, but I haven’t heard any love stories like that from any of my friends or family. As far as I know, the romances of modern day chick-flicks don’t exist. And you can go ahead and take everything I’m saying with a grain of salt because I haven’t ever been in a relationship before and I don’t really know what it is like to be head over heels in love with someone like in the movies, but I’ve seen too many instances where things hadn’t ended up happily ever after. Life hits and it’s messy and sometimes things don’t work out romantically the way they do in the movies.

Sometimes the guy doesn’t like you. Sometimes you don’t like the guy. Sometimes things like timing and the desires of your very different hearts are too strong and you can’t make it work.

But the very non-cynical part of me, the part that still sighs when Jim kisses Pam so sweetly as a last ditch effort in Casino Night, thinks that all these movie-isms, all of these princes and princesses and white horses and over-the-rainbows are nothing compared to the love that I hope I will find. The kind of love that God designed for me to find. The love that grows and blossoms and keeps marriages that are failing together. It’s a love that I have to believe exists. It’s a love that is so much deeper and more meaningful than the lust I find in the Notebook or How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days or on Grey’s Anatomy. It’s a God-given and God-nurtured love. A selfless and passionate and committed love.

And I’m not quite ready for that. I’m not emotionally or spiritually mature enough for that kind of love. I’m not even ready to begin dating again. I don’t play the games well. When I’m ready and when GOD knows I’m ready, I’m certain that He will place someone in my life who is bad at the games too. Until then, I’m going to keep exploring the other kinds of love that I find fulfillment in. The love of my friends and my family and my God.

Because right now, I don’t need to fall in love with the dreamboat that I’m going to hate at first, slowly learn to like, find my perfect friend, and then realize I’m head over heels in love with! I’m happy right where I am.

But maybe I’ll write a story about a girl who shares my dream as well.