Honesty

I saw Atonement tonight and was absolutely floored.

I was SO envious of Keira Knightly in this film. The first words out of my mouth after the film was over were "she makes me want to be a better actor."

The film in itself is about honesty and more than anything, what was so fantastic about Keira is that her acting is so honest. She created this beautiful character and wasn't afraid to take risks and put herself out there.

Being an actor myself, that is the scariest thing in the world, to be that honest.

My biggest struggle is that I have all these emotional walls that I've built up. You get so torn down in acting that most actors can't help but put up these walls because it hurts a little less when a director, casting agent, peer, critic, etc tells you you're wrong. They want you to be more honest... But you're afraid to be more honest because it will hurt more when you get cut down. It's a vicious cycle. One I'm not sure I know how to put an end to.

It really is a crummy profession when I sit down and think about it. Going out to auditions and being continuously rejected.

But there is still something stirring inside me, something that I can't quiet, that pulls at my heart every time I see a movie like Atonement or watch Emma Thompson. And all that rejection is worth the jubilation you feel when someone tells you "yes!"